It all seemed like a nightmare. Seeing my senior pooch, Carmello, indicate that he is approaching his twilight days, set my heart racing. Uncertainty, fear, trepidation- these emotions surged through my gut, and I told myself I could not go through this again. Painful memories of my earlier pets flashed before my eyes. I had just lost my beloved Sophie two years ago, the memories still as fresh as driven snow in my mind.

Carmello’s gait was sluggish, and he stood in the same spot for long periods, staring blankly into space. Just incase you didn’t know, Carmello is blind. He is a ripe old 19 years of age, which makes him 133 human years! He has blessed me with the best of his years.

After 3 days of going without food, because he had lost his appetite, and drinking copious amounts of water, I knew he was going downhill. He had no control over his bladder, so I resorted to using pampers. He slept most of the time and he knew something was wrong with his body.

I kept him close to me and talked to him continuously. On the fourth day, his legs buckled under him. My heart sank. For fear of him bumping into hard places,I placed him in a large cardboard box. He started yelping and I knew then it was not because he wanted to get out, but that he was in pain.

On the 25th of February, I kept him beside me on my bed, so he could feel my presence close to him. The sweet fella kept yelping at intervals. Perhaps he knew! I was blinded by my tears. I couldn’t stop. It hurt like crazy! Why, why, I asked God, did animals have to suffer, to gasp for breath before they died? Couldn’t they just close their eyes and drift away painlessly? Question after question poured out from my heart. There were no answers.

Carmello looked like he was staring right into my eyes as he listened to my voice. I whispered to him a million times how much I loved him, how everyone who came by fell in love with him instantly and wanted to be photographed with him. Carmello was the celebrity that even Airbnb took note of, and sent him stuffed toys!

The hours trickled by and I continued whispering in soft tones, running my fingers gently along his back. I syringed water into his mouth at intervals for fear of his throat turning dry. I must have dozed off at about 5.30am, with my arms around his pillow cushion.

I remember waking up at 6.45am. I instinctively touched his body and felt it a little stiff, although it was still warm. I took a closer look and saw his breathing had stopped! My heart exploded into spasms of wrenching pain. I was surprised that I couldn’t cry anymore! I was all cried out! It struck me that Carmello must have waited for me to fall asleep before he slipped into nothingness! He probably didn’t want me to see him go and tried to hang in there till I nodded off!

“I love you so much, Carmi,” I whispered, and felt my chest tighten like it was going to blow up into shreds! I ran out of my room to tell my husband and daughter that Carmello had departed. No tears, no talk, just dazed, muddled and bewildered. A beautiful soul has begun his journey to his Creator.

We buried him in our garden next to my Sophie. I talk to them every day, thanking them for a lifetime of love that they had gifted me with. My life goes through a battering every time a pet passes on. My heart is studded with scars, blotches, and blemishes left by the departure of every pet of mine. Yet I wear them proudly and treasure them like diamonds encrusted on a crown! All they gave me was bountiful love.

Every one of my pet dogs taught me some of life’s key lessons. Loyalty, Faithfulness, Unconditional and Unwavering Love, Patience, and Joy to name a few. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t feel their absence. They were like family, except that they spoke with their eyes! Always the first to greet me exuberantly and the last to cuddle up with me in bed. They have left indelible pawprints on my heart walls. I doubt I could get this from a human every single day !

I still have my cutie pie, Minnie Girl. She was also affected by Carmello’s absence.For a few days she wandered aimlessly around the house, but she was back to her cheerful self once again.

My darling Carmi, be happy wherever you are, frolicking around in lush meadows studded with millions of flowers as far as the eye can see, perhaps playing in the company of Sophie, Chelsea, and the rest. You are free from pain, sickness, hunger and thirst.

You are just that – FREE !!!