Sticks and Stones.

Are you familiar with the old adage,”Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? It’s a phrase that we’ve all heard before, but have you ever stopped to think about what it really means?

When someone insults us, our loved ones, or our beliefs, our first instinct is often to get defensive. We feel hurt and attacked, and our emotions can quickly spiral out of control. Emotions are highly charged and the first instinct is to lash out, either with harsh words or resort to violence.

But why is that? What is it about negative words that provoke us to retaliate? Is it our ego, our pride, or our sense of self-worth? And when we find ourselves feeling belittled or angry, what good does it do us to lose control and lash out? One can only foresee the destruction this could cause to both parties.

The truth is reacting to hurtful words with anger and aggression rarely leads to a positive outcome. Instead, it often escalates the situation and can even lead to physical violence. That is why many religions teach their followers to practice patience and tolerance, even in the face of insults and negativity.

Honestly, how many of us can truly restrain ourselves and refrain from reacting or retorting in defense?

There’s a famous story about the Buddha that illustrates this point perfectly. One day, the Buddha was sitting in meditation under a tree. A man approached him and decided to test the Holy One. He began hurling insults and accusations in the revered sages direction. There was no response or reaction from the Monk. Finally, when the Buddha opened his eyes, the man asked him,’How is it you did not get angry when I hurled unkind words at you?’, to which the Buddha replied,’When you spewed all kinds of nasty words at me, I chose not to accept any of your hurtful words. He recognized that the power to hurt or offend only exists if we allow it to, and provokes us to retaliate in an equally harsh manner.

Even though it might be easy to dismiss the barbed words of another, when someone we care about says something hurtful, it can be incredibly difficult to not take it personally. Harsh words coming from a loved one or close friend, can and will hurt deeply because our feelings, reactions, and responses are based on the relationship we have with them. To maintain the sanctity of that relationship, we must practice restraint and avoid reacting in a manner that could cause lasting damage.

So the next time someone throws hurtful words your way, remember: sticks and stones may break your bones, but only you have the power to decide whether or not words will hurt you.

Age Appropriate-The 70’s

Hey there! Let’s chat about something that’s been on my mind lately-‘aging’. It’s funny how time goes by so quickly. I’ve noticed some changes in myself and my spouse as we’ve gotten older, and what used to be a vase of flowers on the dining table, now has beside it, a rainbow-colored pill organizer, which appears to have taken permanent residence there!

I can’t help but smile as I walk by, reflecting on the journey we have taken together, the battles we have fought and won or are in the process of facing and winning, and the scars and war medals we have earned as a result of our bravery in battling various illnesses and dis-eases! It’s amazing to see how we have evolved over time and overcome so many challenges, and I’m proud of the resilience we have shown.

I am on the threshold of having left my sweet sixties behind, and stepping into the smouldering seventies! What! Wait a minute! Seriously! I find it hard to believe ! It seems so unreal that time has passed by so fast! I could transport myself to the 60’s in an instant and see myself in kindergarten. I can remember my earliest primary school days like they were just yesterday! Those are my ‘youngest’ memories!

This is so amazing, that I can relive my past so clearly. As I approach my 70s, I can’t help but feel a sense of excitement! I mean, who knows what amazing adventures and experiences are waiting for me in this new decade of my life? Sure, my body may not be as firm as it once was, my skin not as taut as before, wrinkles around my eyes, flab flaps here and there, ‘silvering’ hair which I still color because I’m not ready to turn full-on , a few aches and pains here and there, lumps and bumps where they shouldn’t be, but, despite all that, I still feel young at heart, no less vibrant, no less in love with life.

Undergarments have taken a raincheck, an expression of freedom, a new relaxed vibe that I enjoy only within the confines of my home, comfort has replaced style which has reduced my ailing wardrobe to a Netflix limited series, and don’t even talk about my footwear! My beautiful heels have shed their outer layers like a reptilian, having been confined within the walls of my wardrobe as if they were protesting from inactivity, disuse, and dormancy, and the less said about my costume jewelry and sarees, the better.A new sense of liberation!

Returning to the main topic of age, and in this case, of me turning into a debutante of the 70s, it feels good! As I enter the ‘twilight years’ of my life, I see it as an opportunity to discover a new me. It’s a chance to pursue all the passions and dreams that I’ve put on hold for so long, a last chance to attempt something I never dared to do, or a specific time to fix broken dreams and splattered relationships, or breathe,and take in the fresh air. In fact, I feel more alive than ever before! I’m shedding my inhibitions and embracing all the joys that come with age!

I think it’s a reality check vacancy- to discover a new you, live out your closeted ambitions, finish what you didn’t have time to do, embark on something you shelved for years, discover a new passion, visit someone who popped into your mind’s eye, reach out for the phone to talk to someone whose face showed up on your visual screen, to inspire a sad soul, lend a listening ear to a grieving someone…

I want to create memories that will last a lifetime, to give my life that purpose towards a life well spent. Our latter years present the best opportunity to leave our mark in this world. You are that somebody that someone, someday will talk about with a soft expression and a tender voice. It’s the perfect time to leave your indelible mark on the life of a human or humans, to be fondly remembered and talked about for generations perhaps.

Most importantly, I want to leave a legacy. I want to touch people’s lives in a meaningful way, to be remembered for the kindness and love I have shared with them, and with me. I want to leave behind a trail, a treasury of magical whispers that helped transform others’ lives and mine, graceful gestures that spoke to a broken heart and helped bandaid it beautifully, warm hugs that restored confidence in a crumbling persona and helped blossom the inner aura of a battered soul.

So, bring on the seventies! I’m ready for whatever this new decade has in store for me. It’s going to be one, wild, exciting adventure, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me!

Carmello-my hero .

It all seemed like a nightmare. Seeing my senior pooch, Carmello, indicate that he is approaching his twilight days, set my heart racing. Uncertainty, fear, trepidation- these emotions surged through my gut, and I told myself I could not go through this again. Painful memories of my earlier pets flashed before my eyes. I had just lost my beloved Sophie two years ago, the memories still as fresh as driven snow in my mind.

Carmello’s gait was sluggish, and he stood in the same spot for long periods, staring blankly into space. Just incase you didn’t know, Carmello is blind. He is a ripe old 19 years of age, which makes him 133 human years! He has blessed me with the best of his years.

After 3 days of going without food, because he had lost his appetite, and drinking copious amounts of water, I knew he was going downhill. He had no control over his bladder, so I resorted to using pampers. He slept most of the time and he knew something was wrong with his body.

I kept him close to me and talked to him continuously. On the fourth day, his legs buckled under him. My heart sank. For fear of him bumping into hard places,I placed him in a large cardboard box. He started yelping and I knew then it was not because he wanted to get out, but that he was in pain.

On the 25th of February, I kept him beside me on my bed, so he could feel my presence close to him. The sweet fella kept yelping at intervals. Perhaps he knew! I was blinded by my tears. I couldn’t stop. It hurt like crazy! Why, why, I asked God, did animals have to suffer, to gasp for breath before they died? Couldn’t they just close their eyes and drift away painlessly? Question after question poured out from my heart. There were no answers.

Carmello looked like he was staring right into my eyes as he listened to my voice. I whispered to him a million times how much I loved him, how everyone who came by fell in love with him instantly and wanted to be photographed with him. Carmello was the celebrity that even Airbnb took note of, and sent him stuffed toys!

The hours trickled by and I continued whispering in soft tones, running my fingers gently along his back. I syringed water into his mouth at intervals for fear of his throat turning dry. I must have dozed off at about 5.30am, with my arms around his pillow cushion.

I remember waking up at 6.45am. I instinctively touched his body and felt it a little stiff, although it was still warm. I took a closer look and saw his breathing had stopped! My heart exploded into spasms of wrenching pain. I was surprised that I couldn’t cry anymore! I was all cried out! It struck me that Carmello must have waited for me to fall asleep before he slipped into nothingness! He probably didn’t want me to see him go and tried to hang in there till I nodded off!

“I love you so much, Carmi,” I whispered, and felt my chest tighten like it was going to blow up into shreds! I ran out of my room to tell my husband and daughter that Carmello had departed. No tears, no talk, just dazed, muddled and bewildered. A beautiful soul has begun his journey to his Creator.

We buried him in our garden next to my Sophie. I talk to them every day, thanking them for a lifetime of love that they had gifted me with. My life goes through a battering every time a pet passes on. My heart is studded with scars, blotches, and blemishes left by the departure of every pet of mine. Yet I wear them proudly and treasure them like diamonds encrusted on a crown! All they gave me was bountiful love.

Every one of my pet dogs taught me some of life’s key lessons. Loyalty, Faithfulness, Unconditional and Unwavering Love, Patience, and Joy to name a few. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t feel their absence. They were like family, except that they spoke with their eyes! Always the first to greet me exuberantly and the last to cuddle up with me in bed. They have left indelible pawprints on my heart walls. I doubt I could get this from a human every single day !

I still have my cutie pie, Minnie Girl. She was also affected by Carmello’s absence.For a few days she wandered aimlessly around the house, but she was back to her cheerful self once again.

My darling Carmi, be happy wherever you are, frolicking around in lush meadows studded with millions of flowers as far as the eye can see, perhaps playing in the company of Sophie, Chelsea, and the rest. You are free from pain, sickness, hunger and thirst.

You are just that – FREE !!!