Are you familiar with the old adage,”Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? It’s a phrase that we’ve all heard before, but have you ever stopped to think about what it really means?

When someone insults us, our loved ones, or our beliefs, our first instinct is often to get defensive. We feel hurt and attacked, and our emotions can quickly spiral out of control. Emotions are highly charged and the first instinct is to lash out, either with harsh words or resort to violence.

But why is that? What is it about negative words that provoke us to retaliate? Is it our ego, our pride, or our sense of self-worth? And when we find ourselves feeling belittled or angry, what good does it do us to lose control and lash out? One can only foresee the destruction this could cause to both parties.

The truth is reacting to hurtful words with anger and aggression rarely leads to a positive outcome. Instead, it often escalates the situation and can even lead to physical violence. That is why many religions teach their followers to practice patience and tolerance, even in the face of insults and negativity.

Honestly, how many of us can truly restrain ourselves and refrain from reacting or retorting in defense?

There’s a famous story about the Buddha that illustrates this point perfectly. One day, the Buddha was sitting in meditation under a tree. A man approached him and decided to test the Holy One. He began hurling insults and accusations in the revered sages direction. There was no response or reaction from the Monk. Finally, when the Buddha opened his eyes, the man asked him,’How is it you did not get angry when I hurled unkind words at you?’, to which the Buddha replied,’When you spewed all kinds of nasty words at me, I chose not to accept any of your hurtful words. He recognized that the power to hurt or offend only exists if we allow it to, and provokes us to retaliate in an equally harsh manner.

Even though it might be easy to dismiss the barbed words of another, when someone we care about says something hurtful, it can be incredibly difficult to not take it personally. Harsh words coming from a loved one or close friend, can and will hurt deeply because our feelings, reactions, and responses are based on the relationship we have with them. To maintain the sanctity of that relationship, we must practice restraint and avoid reacting in a manner that could cause lasting damage.

So the next time someone throws hurtful words your way, remember: sticks and stones may break your bones, but only you have the power to decide whether or not words will hurt you.